“The fact that Trust is an essential part of a strong relationship doesn’t mean it happens quickly”.
REASONS TO LOSE TRUST IN A RELATIONSHIP
- Repeated pattern of going back on your word or breaking promises
- Not being there for your partner in times of need
- Withholding or keeping something back
- Lying or Manipulation
- A pattern of not sharing things openly
SIGNS OF TRUST IN A RELATIONSHIP
- There is Safety & Respect of physical and emotional boundaries
- You can be vulnerable with each other
- Good Listening Habit during communication of feelings/needs
- You do not feel the need to conceal things from your partner
- You support each other
WHAT TRUST ISN’T ???
Many people in relationships, often mistake trust for a whole lot of things,- too many ideas on trust. Trust doesn’t necessarily mean the following:
- Telling your partner every single thing that crosses your mind or happens to you
- Giving each other access to the following: Bank Accounts, Personal computers, Cell phones, Social media accounts – because you may not mind sharing this information with your partner should an emergency emerge.
HOW TO REBUILD TRUST WHEN BETRAYED
When Trust is broken, it might prompt those involved to consider the relationship & their partners in a different way.
But if you don’t want to give up your relationship just yet, below are some good starting points to help re-build trust. It is not magic, it takes time.
CONSIDER THE REASON BEHIND THE BETRAYAL
Sometimes, when people lie, it hurts, and you might not care much about the reasons behind it. But then again, people lie when they simply do not know what else to do. And many a time before getting all worked up with anger, why not consider how much you would have reacted in their position.
Your partner may have betrayed you to protect themselves + they may have had a different motive. The betrayal of trust perceived may have resulted from mis – communication or mis-understanding. Whatever happened, you should let them known what they did was not okay and then decide whether you’re able to begin re-building the trust once shared.
This might be uncomfortable to do but the importance of communication cannot be overemphasized. Earmark some time to clearly tell them: (1) how you feel about the situation; (2) why the betrayal of trust hurt you; (3) the implications and (4) what you need from them to restore trust to the relationship even better than the status quo ante.
After communicating my part, WHAT NEXT???
- Give them a chance to talk
- Pay attention to their sincerity – i.e. do they seem to apologize and feel truly regretful OR are they defensive and unwilling to own up to their betrayal??
FEELINGS DURING COMMUNICATION
As they talk, you may get emotional and upset during the conversation – these feelings exhibited during the conversation are completely valid. But if you feel you are getting too upset to continue communication in a productive way, take a BREAK and come BACK to the topic LATER [i.e. Break and Be Back Later] – The process of sorting things out or to remedy an emotional damage in a relationship especially because your trust was wounded is pretty demanding and sometimes you may not be able to just look your partner in the eye and say ‘we’re cool’, it isn’t that easy.
LEARN TO PRACTICE FORGIVENESS
As the popular saying goes – ‘To err is Human; to forgive is Divine’; if you want to repair any relationship, Forgiveness is key. Forgive yourself and your partner. Blaming yourself in some way for all that happened can keep you stuck in self-doubt for long time and this can thwart the hopes of survival for your relationship.
Depending on the weight of the betrayal, it might be hard to forgive and move forward in the relationship but try to remember that – forgiving doesn’t mean what they did was okay.
Rather, it is a way of coming to terms with all that happened and leaving it in the past, whilst giving your partner a chance to learn from their mistakes. Forgiving never makes you weak or appear weak like most persons think. Forgiving a person [partner] shows most a time that you value your relationship and its health more than your ego.
AVOID DWELLING IN THE PAST
After discussing the betrayal, kindly put the issue to rest. You’ll also want to go easy on constantly checking in on your partner to make sure they aren’t lying to you anymore – especially because you could be worried about another betrayal.
Once you decide to give the relationship a second chance, you are deciding to trust your partner again and the import of this action is that you’ll give trust a chance to re-grow.
Copyright : Bluebloodz.com
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